(We have fallen a little bit behind schedule, but don’t worry. We will finish oral presentations tomorrow.)
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In today's class, please write the first draft of a short non-fiction prose essay titled “My Memorable Day” about a day that you will never forget. This first draft should take the following form and be as close as possible to complete by the end of class. It is not for homework!
________________
I. Introduction: What was your memorable day. Why have you chosen to write about it. Why might the story of this day be interesting to your readers (your classmates, for instance)?
II. Setting: Where and when did this story take place? Be descriptive. Were there any special features to this place? Buildings? Other things that were important to what happened? What time of day was it? What time of year? What was the weather like?
III. Characters: Who was there? Again, be descriptive. What are some words you would use to describe them to someone who never met them? How old were they? What do they look like? What is your relationship to them? Why were they there?
IV. Action. What happened? (You may want to use more than one paragraph for this.)
First?
Next?
Next?
Next?
Next?
etc.
V. Conclusion: Why was this day so memorable? Was it an important day in your life? Did you learn anything important on this day? Did this day change you in some way?
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It was the night before my 10th birthday and Amber was sleeping over.
ReplyDeleteFirst, we watched a movie called “Accepted” and pigged out on some ABC’s, candy shaped like letters, gummy hamburgers, and smarties! We also drank coke and water. After that, we eventually fell asleep at 1:30 am.
At 3:30, I woke up and then Amber woke up. I woke up because I was too excited and couldn’t wait until my birthday!! Amber wasn’t very tired so we snuck downstairs into the kitchen to get some water, but I tripped on a chair!! Nobody woke up.
At 4:00, we played “Candy Land”, a board game. I won three times and Amber won once! I am the master of that game!
Then, we talked for about 1 hour and fell asleep. According to Amber, I kicked her out of the bed! Ha-ha!
In the morning I leaped out of the bed with Amber, flew down the stairs and tripped! Waaaaa!
That was a great night!
It was the night before my 10th birthday and Amber was sleeping over.
ReplyDeleteFirst, we watched a movie called “Accepted” and pigged out on some ABC’s, candy shaped like letters, gummy hamburgers, and smarties! We also drank coke and water. After that, we eventually fell asleep at 1:30 am. Well, my mom didn’t exactly know about the candy so we hid all the candy under my pillows! Shhh!
At 3:30, I woke up and then Amber woke up. I woke up because I was too excited and couldn’t wait until my birthday!! Amber wasn’t very tired so we snuck downstairs into the kitchen to get some water, but I tripped on a chair!! Nobody woke up!
At 4:00, we played “Candy Land”, a board game. I won three times and Amber won once! I am the master of that game!
Then, we talked for about 1 hour and fell asleep. According to Amber, I kicked her out of the bed! Ha-ha!
In the morning I leaped out of the bed with Amber, flew down the stairs and tripped! It really hurt! Waaaaah! But the presents made me feel better! Hehe!
That was a great night!
My Memorable Day
ReplyDeleteMy memorable day was on the 15/03/08.It was my birthday, and I had a horse-riding competition on the same day.
It was my tenth birthday.
I woke up at seven thirty that day. I got my competition stuff ready in a big bag. I always do a checklist so I don’t forget anything. I was checking my list just as my mom came in and greeted me with a big Happy Birthday and hugged me.
Later everyone woke up and I opened all my presents. They were all really nice!! I also got a new competition shirt from my two sisters, so that is supposed to give me good luck.
When we got to the stables I greeted my horse with a big hug. Today the competition was Dressage .I rode two horses in Dressage. Whisper and Jasper. Whisper is mine and Jasper is my horse riding teachers. Whisper is twenty seven and Jasper nineteen years old. They are both pretty old but they are both great horses. I have been riding since I was seven and a half. I only got Whisper half a year ago. Desiree my sister got whisper when she was eleven just like me now.
It was a Saturday morning when Isabella called me to go to her house, I packed all my things and I was on my way. Isabella greeted me in to her house and then we went into the Westin Dragonara . I
ReplyDeletesabella got the little boat and suggested that we go on it together I went in the front and she went in the back for the weight.
We both fell 7 times and one of them was my fault because I’m claustrophobic, well we both are. When we fell I grabbed Isabella on the neck after then we both laugh after a while we started to notice crabs we tried to caught some Isabella caught a baby one we named I
CRABSTER he was a great friend BUT THEN HE PAST AWAY but then we threw him in the ocean we were sad but we got over it we still remember him but!!!!!
My Memorable Day
ReplyDeleteAsher broke his arm!
It all started off like this:
We had friends over from England and we went to Xelendi and we went on a banana boat! When we got on the banana boat we were going slow then as soon as we got out the bay the man on the boat went really fast and Asher was screaming “GET ME OFF”,. So the driver stopped and Asher got of the banana boat and on the boat.
Then the driver turn on the engine and we went so fast and we flew off the banana on a turn then we fell of a few more times till we got used to it.
After that we went home to our house and swam in the pool for about an hour! Then I got out and went inside with my friends and Asher went in to the tree house with his friends.
Then after about half an hour one of his friends came up stairs and said to me “Asher fell out of the tree house”. Then I ran down stairs to see him. He was sitting on a chair with tears running down his face. I said “how did you fall out the tree house”. He said “I was climbing down the rope and it broke. I said “ow”.
Then our friends went back to their rental home.The next day Asher went to the hospital and got a cast and then the docter said you can’t swim till you get the cast off. Then tree weeks later he had his cast off and he could swim again!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy Memorable Day
ReplyDeleteGOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My story is about a football tournament in England and we or my team were in the with the top 4 teams in Leicester. I was very scared because I wanted to win but my hopes were down.
It is at a football ground called the footie city. In a place called Leicester which is in the middle of England.
There was all my team , many other teams plus my dad and my mum.(not my bro because he was not born yet)
It went like this:-It was our first game
My Most Memorable Day.
ReplyDeleteI have chosen to write about my most memorable day this year. It was on my 11th birthday, when I invited some friends to my house after school. I looked forward a lot for that big day and I could barely sleep, because I was so excited. I think that my classmates will enjoy reading my description of that wonderful and important day.
It was 22nd January, 2009, when I turned 11 years old. That day took place at school, and at that time I was a 5th grader. My birthday also took place at home, and on my street. The weather at first was sunny, but then unfortunately it became rainy.
I invited to my house three boys: Albert, Alex, and Dima. Albert is one of my best friends and, he is Swedish. He is in my class, and he is 11 years old, but on that day he was only 10. Alex is also one of my best friends and he is Maltese. He is also in my class and he is 10 years old. Dima is my friend, and he is Ukrainian and he comes from the same city, Mariupol as I do. He is 10 years old, and he was born on the 17th December, 1998, on the same day as Alex.
My Memorable Day
ReplyDeleteMy most memorable day was 31 December 2008. This is a memorable day of me because I really enjoyed it and I had a lot of fun. I would like to share this story with you guys. This story I hope is going to be a fun story, because I really enjoyed it.
The story took place in ‘Zwijndrecht’ Holland. It is located in the South of Holland. There are a lot of houses that look almost the same to all the others. When I go there I always get lost. There are a lot of small lakes which are about 200 meters length and 10 meters wide. In the winter it is always frozen. In the summer It is always really nice to play near it. When I was there in the winter it was negative 3 degrease.
In ‘Zwijndrecht’ my 3 cousins life. The oldest one is 18 the second oldest one is 15 and the youngest one is 13. My twin brother Sky was there too. My cousins were always with us. They went ice skating with us they brought us to places you weren’t supposed to be. The oldest one is called Niels. He has brownish hair. It is quite curly. He has light skin tone and his eyes are dark brown. The second oldest cousin is has flat brown hair and is also light skin. He has green eyes. The youngest one has flat brown hair and is also has light skin tone.
My memorable day
ReplyDeleteBy max Ripley 6A
My memorable day was last year when I went to the David Beckham Academy and I was so excited, and what made it more excited was that my best friend came with me as well and I have never played football with him. There was five days but this was the best day.
When we arrived at the academy me and my friend were really excited because we have never been there before. When we went inside the people at the desk gave us the kit to get changed in the changing room. We went inside and was so many children inside it was really to get changed because of the space. After I got changed it was when we got to go to the pitch. Before that we had to get into teams but the coaches had to choose the teams. Sadly me and my friend was not on the same team.
Then we went with our team and coach to the pitch and we started the training I was really nerves at the start because the training was hard at the start. After we did a couple of exercises then we had a break. Lots of the lesons weren’t completely new because I have done some of the lessons before. Some lessons weren’t all about playing football some games were about card games and u had to get the players on the list. Also the aim of the game was to get players with best players with the best value. After another couple of events it was lunch. At lunch there was no chocolate for dessert there was fruit or a cereal bar most of the lunch was pasta because pasta good for you while playing football. After 30 minutes we went baxk to the pitch and play again.
MY MEMORABLE DAY
ReplyDeleteMy 11th birthday
My memorable is about my eleventh birthday. I choose this day because I really enjoyed it. My birthday was on 1st of May 2009. I think this story could get interesting to my readers because I have a lot of things to talk about.
It all started in my bed. I woke up early in the morning and there I was waiting for my family to come in to my room. I looked at my watch and the time was 4:30am.
BY ALBERT
My Worst Memorable day
ReplyDeleteMy worst memorable day was last year. Unfortunately I dislocated my finger in one of the football pitches so let me tell you what happened.
I was in goal as goalkeeper I looked at the ball as it came to my and as I grabbed the slow ball I saw Luke .W. running at top speed towards me and by his I saw Sky Visser also running at top speed ran straight at me and some one stepped on my finger or kicked it.
By Alexander
MY MEMORABLE DAY
ReplyDeleteMy memorable day is the birth of my brother (Dima). His birth is on the fifteenth of February. I have chosen it because it was unforgettable for me as I have only one brother and I was dreaming about a brother for many years.
This happened in Russia, in winter. As you know winters in Russia are very snowy and cold. So it was a cold snowy day. When the school finished my father took me and we went home, where all our relatives were. Then I saw my brother, he was like a small doll, he had a helpless view and he had red skin.
While we were celebrating my brother birthday I met a lot of people. It was really fun to look after my brother. He actually didn’t move but when he moves he did it really fun.
After some months we also celebrated hi first month, second month, third month and etc. Now it’s really interesting to look, how he is growing, how he did his first step, how he said his first word.
I think that I’ll never forget this day and I’ll tell about it to my brother. The birth of my brother completely changed my life. Now, when my brother is four, I usually play with him. And I think that the birth of brother or sister might be memorable day to everyone.
By Michael
To Amber:
ReplyDeleteI think you need to check your spelling.
Amber,
ReplyDelete1. I loved it! I miss Crabster too.
It was an awesome day!
2. Maybe you could watch your spelling a bit!
Isabella
P.S. Crabster...R.I.P.!
Alex
ReplyDeleteI like the way you set it out but.............
You should not talk so much and do more work.
To Albert,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you made it humerous but i think you need to make it a bit longer!
Constructive Critisiscm by : Celine Schmid
Amber,
ReplyDelete1.It was really good.
2.You still need to watch your spelling!
luke(the cooler one)
denis
ReplyDelete1 ouch sad memory
2 maybe a bit more detail about the game example what the score was at the end.
james that comment is pointless.
ReplyDeleteMy Worst Memorable day
ReplyDeleteMy worst memorable day was last year was when I dislocated my finger whilst playing football with my friends during recess. So, let me tell you what happened.
It was lunch time and we were playing on the elementary football pitch which is by the gate. I was goalkeeper and was having lots of fun. Suddenly, Albert shot the ball towards me and as I caught it, I saw Luke .W. running at top speed towards me. Sky Visser was also running straight at me. Then the worst thing happened!! Someone kicked or stepped on my poor hand which was gripped tightly round the ball. I felt this terrible pain and to make it worse I fell over and hit my head on the wall.
As I got up I looked at my hand and saw the end hanging off and bleading all over the place. I quickly ran towards Ms Beverly who was nearby and she rushed me to Ms Sonia and together they tried to make it better by running cold water on it and wrapping it up with a bandage. I then went back to my classroom and Mr M called my mum to come and take me to hospital.
My mum took me to Mater Dei Hospital and we waited for a long time until they took an me in to have an X-Ray. The nurse said that the X-Ray showed nothing wrong but my dad noticed that it was dislocated and called one of his doctor friends who was in hospital at the time. My dad was right. My parents and I were taken into a treatment room and I was given local anaesthetic and my finger blew up like a sausage. The doctor then pulled and pushed until my finger was back in place. He then put on a metal splint, a bandage and a sling which I had to keep on for a week.
For the next three weeks I could not write properly or do much with my right hand. At school Ms Maggie helped me out.
By Alexander
To dennis:
ReplyDeleteI think you need to put some more grammer into your writing
isabella,
ReplyDelete1. All the staff worked
2. What did you do on youre birthday what did you get for youre birthday.
Oceane
To Denis,
ReplyDelete1.Your introduction is really good.
2.I think, that it would be better to make a conclusion.
Good job!!!!!
By Michael
Amber
ReplyDeletemost things are good but next time use spell check or check your spellings
Watch out for mistakes
To Alex,
ReplyDelete1. I dont really like how you put a HUUGGEEEEEEEEEE 1 sentence paragraph!! READ IT AGAIN AND PUT FULL STOPS OR COMMAS!!
READ THIS: I was in goal as goalkeeper I looked at the ball as it came to my and as I grabbed the slow ball I saw Luke .W. running at top speed towards me and by his I saw Sky Visser also running at top speed ran straight at me and some one stepped on my finger or kicked it.
constructive Critiscism by : Celine Schmid
Denis,
ReplyDeleteI agree with LukeB. You might want to make it longer and include more grammar:).
Isabella
luke b (THE AWSOME ONE)/sarah cooler than patty
ReplyDeleteAlex,
ReplyDelete1. Everythng worked.
2. Check your spelling and put full-stops and commas!
Isabella,
ReplyDelete1 I think most of your writing worked.
2 You could write some more about what presents you got and about your birthday.
celine,
ReplyDelete1. almost everything worked
2. a bit more info of youre birthday after the competition
oceane
amber
ReplyDelete1 good
2 check the spelling a little bit
Oceane,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. I had that big pool party with the whole class- 4A and 4B...Remember?? I cant really remember what I got! :)
from Isie
Isabella,
ReplyDelete1&2 I agree with Albert
amber,
ReplyDelete1. th introduction worked
2. a bit more informatinen about that day
Max,
ReplyDelete1. I think everything was good.
2. Don't have much suggestions...
from, Isabella
Denis,
ReplyDeleteIt was really good.
You could make it longer.
Luke. I'm cooler then lukeb aren't I?
Amber,
ReplyDelete1. Its good
2. I think you should put some full stops and commas in this lonnngggggggggg sentence: When we fell I grabbed Isabella on the neck after then we both laugh after a while we started to notice crabs we tried to caught some Isabella caught a baby one we named I
CRABSTER he was a great friend BUT THEN HE PAST AWAY but then we threw him in the ocean we were sad but we got over it we still remember him but!!!!!
good luck girl!
Constructive Critisciscm By: Celine Schmid
celine
ReplyDelete1 most of the things worked but some didn't work
2 aabit more information of the party would of been good
Isie
ReplyDeleteWhat did you trip on
most were goood
but make the intro longer
Luke W.,
ReplyDeleteYes, you are cooler than Sarah!
Patty is the best, after me of course.
To Micheal:
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really good job.
Oceane I wasnt finished yet and Mr. Machlachlan sid just post what you have now!
ReplyDeletejames,
ReplyDeletefor your information, i tripped on the stairs because Lola, my precious dog, peed!!!
isabella
Amber,
ReplyDelete1 It is a great story you have got there.
2 mind your spelling.
max
ReplyDeleteabout celine comment wat is the fist word say
Max I couldnt have a party because i was too busy!
ReplyDeletelukeb
ReplyDelete1. i really liked the story. it was really fun to read
2. where is xlendi a bit morei info about the place
oceane
Alex,
ReplyDelete1.It was really painful I think.
By Michael
ALBERT
ReplyDeleteSHE KNOWS THAT SHE CANT SPELL MOST WORDS... but her story was great!
isabella
Dennis you are not the best because i am
ReplyDeleteTo everyone
ReplyDeleteAwesome
Denis
ReplyDeleteI think you gave lots of discipshon on you friends and you enfisised on your brithday.
I think you can tell us more on what you did at your house.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMax,
ReplyDelete1. It was really good
2. You should put a bit more information about the place e.g : Where it was ect...
Constriuctive Critisciscm by: Celine Schmid
oc,
ReplyDeletewat is Xlendii
james
ReplyDelete1. the store was goot
2 a bit more paragraphs
oceane
James,
ReplyDeleteWhat the *****? I am the best!And then Patty!
Alex,
ReplyDeleteYou improved it from the last one.
I don't really have any suggestions for you .
luke.
alex
ReplyDelete1 i think your second one was much more better than your first one
To ocean:
ReplyDeleteok il work on that next time
To all of you:
ReplyDeletestop commenting on stupid convos and write more Constructive critisciscm!!
albert,
ReplyDeletemore info
It was the night before my 10th birthday and Amber was sleeping over.
ReplyDeleteFirst, we watched a movie called “Accepted” and pigged out on some ABC’s, candy shaped like letters, gummy hamburgers, and smarties! We also drank coke and water. After that, we eventually fell asleep at 1:30 am. Well, my mom didn’t exactly know about the candy so we hid all the candy under my pillows! Shhh!
At 3:30, I woke up and then Amber woke up. I woke up because I was too excited and couldn’t wait until my birthday!! Amber wasn’t very tired so we snuck downstairs into the kitchen to get some water, but I tripped on a chair!! Nobody woke up!
At 4:00, we played “Candy Land”, a board game. I won three times and Amber won once! I am the master of that game!
Then, we talked for about 1 hour and fell asleep. According to Amber, I kicked her out of the bed! Ha-ha!
In the morning I leaped out of the bed with Amber, flew down the stairs and tripped! It really hurt! Waaaaah! But the presents made me feel better! Hehe!
That was a great night!
I had a pool party with all of 4A and 4B. It was awesome. I forgot the presents I got but one of them was a volcano lava lamp which was given to me from Hannah in 6B. It was really cool but eventually got bad and we had to throw it away!
That was one of my favorite birthdays!
For all of you,
ReplyDeleteCOMMENT ME PLEEAAASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 10th
ReplyDeleteMy Memorable Day
By James Robertson
Today I will tell you about my 10th birthday which is on the 25th of April. I will tell you about it because I had a surprise when we arrived at the airport.
I went to the airport with my mum, dad and my brother Max.
It all started on a dark night in Malta when my mum decided we should go to McDonalds for dinner. I thought that was odd. On the way Max was getting tired but then my mum cried “Good job we are going on a.......”but luckily my dad turned on the music on full blast so I did not hear the last word. Finally we got there and my dad asked if I would help with the cases. I was very confused .
We weren’t going to McDonalds instead we were going to England!
We landed in England and we drove up to my friend’s house Ethan and Elliot’s.
Next day
In the morning I opened my presents. My first card was from my brother Max. On the front it said BOLTONS NUMBER ONE FAN. Inside, it had a note saying you will be a mascot for the Bolton v Villa match.
“Thanks Max “I screamed I was so excited.
We all travelled to Bolton and reached the ground, I got changed into my kit and I also met all the players. I ran onto the pitch with the other mascots and had photos with some players.
In the end the score was 1-1, I enjoyed it very much and what a huge surprise .I will remember that day forever.
My Memorable Day
ReplyDeleteMy most memorable day was 31 December 2008. This is a memorable day of me because I really enjoyed it and I had a lot of fun. I would like to share this story with you guys. This story I hope is going to be a fun story, because I really enjoyed it.
The story took place in ‘Zwijndrecht’ Holland. It is located in the South of Holland. There are a lot of houses that look almost the same to all the others. When I go there I always get lost. There are a lot of small lakes which are about 200 meters length and 10 meters wide. In the winter it is always frozen. In the summer It is always really nice to play near it. When I was there in the winter it was negative 3 degrease.
In ‘Zwijndrecht’ my 3 cousins life. The oldest one is 18 the second oldest one is 15 and the youngest one is 13. My twin brother Sky was there too. My cousins were always with us. They went ice skating with us they brought us to places you weren’t supposed to be. The oldest one is called Niels. He has brownish hair. It is quite curly. He has a light skin tone and his eyes are dark brown. The second oldest cousin has flat brown hair and is also light skin. He has green eyes. The youngest cousin has flat brown hair and is also has light skin tone.
31 December the whole day we were lighting fire and throwing them into old buildings which were broken down. Sometimes the police went running behind us but then we would hide. The police do that all the time to other children which throw it into old buildings. We also went to a playground of a school and put a thane of firework near the school entrance and then we would fire the firework. That was fun. At 12 o’clock at night the real party began. The parents got out there champagne and the children got out the non alcohol champagne. We would stay at home for one hour and then go and fire some nice fireworks. We would go to Holland for that party every year.
This day was memorable because we had so much fun. It was also a memorable day because I went to Holland every year and this was my funest year. The end of the year is a very important day for me because it is in our religion. I didn’t learn anything important on that day. This day changed me being alone from my parents and having my own responsibility.
By Océane Visser
My Worst Memorable day
ReplyDeleteMy worst memorable day was last year was when I dislocated my finger whilst playing football with my friends during recess. So, let me tell you what happened.
It was lunch time and we were playing on the elementary football pitch which is by the gate. I was goalkeeper and was having lots of fun. Suddenly, Albert shot the ball towards me and as I caught it, I saw Luke .W. running at top speed towards me. Sky Visser was also running straight at me. Then the worst thing happened!! Someone kicked or stepped on my poor hand which was gripped tightly round the ball. I felt this terrible pain and to make it worse I fell over and hit my head on the wall.
As I got up I looked at my hand and saw the end hanging off and bleeding all over the place. I quickly ran towards Ms Beverly who was nearby and she rushed me to Ms Sonia and together they tried to make it better by running cold water on it and wrapping it up with a bandage. I then went back to my classroom and Mr M called my mum to come and take me to hospital.
My mum took me to Mater Dei Hospital and we waited for a long time until they took an me in to have an X-Ray. The nurse said that the X-Ray showed nothing wrong but my dad noticed that it was dislocated and called one of his doctor friends who was in hospital at the time. My dad was right. My parents and I were taken into a treatment room and I was given local anaesthetic and my finger blew up like a sausage. The doctor then pulled and pushed until my finger was back in place. He then put on a metal splint, a bandage and a sling which I had to keep on for a week.
For the next three weeks I could not write properly or do much with my right hand. At school Ms Maggie helped me out.
By Alexander